My heart beat rose because if she tells this to anyone my entire good image will lose. Then after sometimes she Came to my room and asked about my parents. I told her about the marriage. She sat on the chair looking at me. She was so nervous then. She was sweating. She then stood up and told me she was going. I once more said sorry for her. She Then came and hold my hands and said “it’s all right”. From her eyes I came to know she was totally perplexed. But I stayed calm. Then she came to notice the Cover of the cd, which I was seeing. In the cover there was a picture of girls fucking. I suddenly took it and throw it down my bed. She then said bye and Went. After that I felt so sad and ashamed. I lost my entire mood then. I called her by phone in the evening and said sorry again. She told me don’t be upset and invited me to her home for dinner. But I hadn’t the courage to face her again. So I refused her call saying that I have had my food in the fridge. That night I was alone in my. Ford would reconsider, let Josh train with me. But now it was sinking in. What I had let happen had destroyed my relationship with two people, Mrs. Ford and her son, both of whom had put more faith in me than I deserved. By doing a good deed for an old friend I had lost two new ones.It occurred to me that perhaps I had been blaming the wrong person. By the time we left for work I was feeling disgusted with myself. I had been the instigator. I was the one who had let Josh watch. Why had I taken it upon myself to indoctrinate him in the sounds and smells during a female's orgasm? Would that experience help to toughen him up? Was it something he could draw upon during those first dark nights in the upper bunk when the only sounds he heard were his roommate crying himself to sleep?I knew that I had been wrong. I didn't blame Josh for telling his mother what happened although I did hope that he had not told her the specifics of my conversation with Colleen, that she wanted me to fuck her.
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